Kenny
time;5:13 PM
Friday, March 09, 2007
Kenny
Venue: Nielegends Ground
Date: 10 March
Time: 0900
Rivalry: 2 Stars
Have started the season on a mixed note, Nielegends return to league action this Saturday against Dunman All-Stars. While 1 win and 2 unreported losses do not represent championship form, the players remain very much convinced that the recent run is merely a early season blip and the title will end up in Nielegends trophy room come the end of the season. This overly optimistic mood and self-deceiving attitude were painfully obvious if anything was to go by. The ellitist mindset was very much evident on the club's ellite training ground yesterday when reporters were given an exclusive tour inside the ground. Chants of "WE ARE ELLITES" could be heard on the training field while the song "We Are the Champions" was blared over the club's ellite PA system repeatedly. After a brainwashin...I mean educational tour of the ground, some reporters were seemingly impressed with the club facilities and swore to churn out propaganda reports relating to the club in the name of presenting objective and accurate news to the fans. When a handful of skeptical reporters, who were largely unimpressed despite the best efforts of club officials, demanded to use the toliet after being forced to hold their bladders for half a day, they were casually shrugged off by the club toliet cleaner who told them to get out of his ellite, uncaring face in a most nonchalant tone. Unconfirmed sources has it that the cleaner, a alumni of the prestigious "Laaa-ffles Junior College", was promptly promoted to the coveted post of "Ellite Cleaner" after the incident. No prizes for guessing what was the response of the cleaner when told of his promotion.
Scout Report:
Opponents are a team laden with experienced players. While team is not known for their physical approach, they are a technically-accomplished team. Teamwork is decent and team has a tendency to emphasize much of their approach play from the flanks. Midfielders pack a good shot hence players must try to block shots from the midfield. Attacking mentality of the team tends to leave gaps in defence therefore opposing players must take advantage of this situation in order to stand a chance of victory.
time;2:08 PM
Friday, March 02, 2007
Kenny
Meanwhile, in other news, midfielder Derrick will return to the club’s lineup this Saturday after a prolonged absence. Newspapers had previously pinpointed his absence to a major bust-up between the player and the club’s kit-man last month. According to a club insider, G-Star Floppers had originally wanted to sign the overrated player some time back after some unbelievably poor performances for Nielegends. Thinking that the player was bound to leave the club, kit-man, Bor Kah Lan, discarded all the player’s jerseys and informed the manufacturer to stop printing his name on future jerseys. However, negotiations between G-Star Floppers and the player stalled after Nielegends refused to let the player leave. What followed soon after was a major bust-up between the player and the kit-man after the former demanded to know where all his jerseys were. The unrepentant player was then fined two years wages and banned from club matches for a month for even bothering to argue with the lowest life-form in the club. Despite all the controversy surrounding Derrick, club gaffer has played down his absence in true propaganda spirit. “The player was actually busy filming himself on his debut video which teaches young kids how to play soccer. Apparently, the video titled “How to do the Derrick Move in 100 Easy Steps” had been uploaded an incredible 1 billion times and has made it to Youtube’s Top 10 most viewed comedy video clips of all time. It has even made its way to Readers’ Digest in the form of a complimentary DVD given to every buyer, courtesy of “Laughter is the Best Medicine”. Hence the club decided to give him some much deserved rest for his efforts over the past month,” said the beaming club gaffer. While the truth is somewhere out there, it is believed the player is considering a sequel to his successful video debut.
time;1:49 PM
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Kenny
With rumours circulating that Yeow would be unavailable for the match, it seemed that Yeow would not even make it to the team list last Saturday for a start, let alone win the MOM award. Nielegends played down Yeow's mysterious disappearance before the match by citing a hamstring tear as the reason for his absence. However, newspaper reports had pinned the reason down to the player's keeping late nights surfing some unknown websites. Nonetheless, players and officials alike were delighted when Yeow turned up just before the start of the match looking surprisingly refreshed. When pressed for a reason for his sudden appearance, Yeow said, "Well, the late nights have been absolutely draining and has affected my recent performances for the club. Hence, I have decided to limit my por..I mean pleasure surfing to one hour every night before each match so hopefully, my performances can be improved." "There is a time for por...I mean pleasure and there is a time for work. Players have a responsibility to the fans and club," added the much-misunderstood player. After which, the player beat a retreat hastily and pulled out a copy of Playboy India (Limited Edition) from his bag. When pressed for further comments, the player waved this reporter off and headed in the direction of the dressing room toilet, clutching his Playboy India (Limited Edition) tightly in his palm. - Nie Times
time;10:36 AM
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Kenny
Kenny 18''
Sherman 80''
Nielegends Starting XI:
Moo
Daryl
Sherman
Chupei
Jianhao
Likoon
Kenny
Nielegends started the season in a European Championship Primera Liga ASEAN Championship King's Cup Champions League FA League Bundesliga Coppa Italia World Club Copa Libertadores Cup-Winners Cup Charity Challenge friendly match against Hooligans FC. Boasting a squad with a wealth of experience in Hooliganism, Hooligans FC were a squad to be reckoned with. With the gaffer of Hooligans FC commenting that Nielegends were easy meat before the match, it was believed that the club was digging its own grave. True enough, Nielegends started the match with great intensity. The one-touch passing between the Nielegends players left the opponents in their wake. The beleaguered opposition simply had no answer to Nielegends high tempo play. Nielegends came close 3 times during the opening 15 minutes, with shots from Kenny, Jianhao and one-match loan signing Likoon coming close. The deadlock was finally broken in the 18th minute of play when quick one touch passing between Kenny and Likoon led to the latter breaking free on the right flank. The mercurial winger then delivered an inch perfect return cross to Kenny who was left with an easy half volley past the keeper. The hooligan shouts which veberated round the stadium before the goal were suddenly turned into cat purrs. Hooligans FC woke up from their opening period slumber and upped the tempo of their players' rantings. Scuffles between both sides threatened to turn the match into a catfight. Nielegends keeper was immediately spunned into action with his first save against Hooligans FC striker, Gold Hair. A minute later, a handball by Jianhao on the edge of the penalty area led to a free kick being awarded to the opposition. Supposedly unaware of the indirect free-kick rule, Gold Hair, whose temper was begining to boil, took a direct free-kick which whizzed past the upright, much to the displeasure of Nielegends. Hooligans FC midfield trouble maker, Gerrard, was then seen exchanging expletives with Gold Hair, supposedly for taking the free-kick directly and also berated the striker for missing the target completely from such a close range, hence costing Gerrard further loss of face at that point. The match was wrapped up in the 80th minute of play when Sherman was left with a simple finish from 10 yards after a cut-back from Kenny on the left flank. After the match, disgrunted fans were heard calling for the gaffer's head and demanded to spray him with graffiti in true hooliganism spirit. A long-time Hooligans FC fan, Bo Zeng Hu, commented, "After today's embarrassing result, the fans feel that the gaffer is not aware of the passion and emotions of being part of the club. Hence the fans have decided to burn his car and house. In addition, the gaffer will be tied to a pole and be sprayed with graffiti." "Hopefully, after our hooligan induction programme, the manager will appreciate the fans' effort and assimilate well into the club's family spirit," added another hard-core fan, Pai Gin Na.
time;11:12 AM
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Kenny
Venue: Nielegends Ground
Date: 24 Feb
Time: 0900
Rivalry: 4 1/2 stars
Nielegends begin their title challenge this season against its greatest nemesis, Carebears United, on home ground this Saturday. This potentially explosive matchup pits two old adversaries against one another. Rivalry between both teams have been well-documented in the past, both on and off the pitch. Not to mention the usual mind games before each game, previous matches between the two sides have been marred by controversial decisions. Both teams are seen to be genuine title contenders this season, with both sides adding considerable talent to their already bulging squads brimming with overrated players. While the league ashers in the Year of the Pig with a cracker of a match, whether any of the two sides will end the match like roasted pigs remains to be seen......
Scout Report:
Carebears United are a team that emphasises teamwork. While talent in the squad is at a premium, their teamwork more than makes up for their shortcomings that every team is expected to have. Players are technically competent and fit, with many rumoured to possess Korean passports. However, style of play is extremely physical and opposition teams should dive whenever possible to win fouls. Players to watch include Tak Wee (defender), Albert (defender), Likoon (winger) and the whole team.
Odds:
1X2
Nielegends: 1.56
Draw: 2.43
Carebears United: 2.04
1/2 GOAL
Nielegends (-1 1/2): 2.89
Carebears United (+ 1 1/2): 1.27
Coffeeshop talk:
Go for Carebears United in 1X2 and Nielegends in 1/2 GOAL. Confused? CALL 1800 - SURE LOSE for sure lose bets.
Mind Games Quote-of-the-day:
Nielegends Manager: While the players do not fear our opponents, we certainly do not respect them as well...
All Nielegends players are reminded to come on time or the courts will be taken by other teams.
time;2:35 PM
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Kenny
In other news, Nielegends would like to wish all its loyal readers, which it doubts are few, a belated Happy New Year.
The club would also like to warn its players to come for training this Saturday, 24 Feb, after several no-shows for the past 2 weeks. Failure to attend training will result in a mandatory fine of one year wages and a season-long match ban.
time;11:27 AM
Name: Alaric
Position: Defender / Midfielder
Squad No: 14
An outstanding player, this defensive rock has been one of the main reasons for NIE Legends successes on the court. Cool and composed on the ball, he distributes the ball to his teammmates with minimunm fuss. An elegant ball player, his ball skills are a dying breed among defenders. Technically, there are few player better than him. This, coupled with his brilliant awareness, makes Alaric the perfect cataylst for launching the team's swift counter-attacks.
Name: Kyle
Position: Defender
Squad No: 13
Though not always a first-team regular, Kyle has performed admirably in his sporadic outings for NIE Legends. While some may think that he is too laid-back and casual in his play due to his ever-present toothly grin and random outbursts of laughter, there is always a steely determination in him to win the ball back whenever possesion is lost. Tough-tackling and cool-headed, Kyle is fast becoming a linchpin in the centre of defence.
Name: Renxin
Position: Goalkeeper / Defender / midfielder / Striker
Squad No: 18
Argubly one of the most versatile players ever to grace the NIE court, Renxin has proved to be a major asset in NIE Legends quest for glory. For what he lacks in flair, he makes it up with his undying commitment and whole-heartedness. Renxin has the uncanny ability to rise to the occasion during big matches and wears the club badge on his heart - an excellent testimony for his loyalty to the club.
Name: Chupei
Position: Defender / Defensive Midfielder
A passionate and committed player, this defensive hardrock does not shirk a challenge. Due to his boundless stamina, Chupei is often called upon to perform a ball-winning role in the middle of the park. His no-nonsense approach and superb tackling proweress has been vital to the stability of the team's midfield. A versatile player who can play in defense, Chupei is not one to hold his punches in a game. You have been WARNED !
Name: James
Position: Defensive Midfielder
Squad No: 3
An enforcer in the middle of the park as some would like to call him, James makes his presence felt through his sheer physical presence. A player who occasionally joins in to support the attack, his long range shooting ability has already seen him score some crackers this season. His workman-like performances and energetic displays have been a treat to watch.
Name: Jianwei
Position: Winger
Squad No: 22
Jianwei's mesmerising dribbling skills and blistering pace has led him to own the right side of the NIE court for as long as anyone can remember. Has a knack of scoring vital goals for the team due to his agility and excellent sense of positioning. Jianwei's ability to ghost into the penalty-area while catching defenders off-guard has seen him contribute significantly his goal tally.
Name: Kwok Ley
Position: Winger
Squad No: 5
Kwok Ley's close ball control and shooting ability has enhanced his reputation as one of the game's most feared winger. With his excellent mix of pace and physical presence, Kwok has caused defenders many sleepless nights. His ability to cover every inch of cement on the court, in addition to his uncanny ability to score beautiful goals, makes Kwok a real menace for any defense.
Name: Derrick
Position: Attacking Midfielder
Squad No: 7
The "Riquelme" of the team as he would like to call ... I mean as others would like to call him, Derrick is without doubt one of the most creative players in the game. While speed may not be his greatest asset, his speed of thought is definitely up there with the best. His eye for killer through passes has been likened to a hot knife through butter. With his arsenal of tricks, Derrick has firmly established himself as one of the most feared playmakers in the game.
Name: Jiaxuan
Position: Central Midfielder
An excellent ball-player on the court, Jiaxuan is a real delight to watch when in full flow. A wonderful passer of the ball, Jiaxuan has the ability to dictate the pace of the game. Sending in accurate crosses and through passes are all in a day's job for this talented midfielder. Not one to just attack, Jiaxuan has also shown an absolute willingness to track back and defend.
Name: Jianhao
Position: Attacking Midfielder
Squad No: 8
Signed for an undisclosed fee during the pre-season from BTT 21, Jianhao first impressed while playing in a friendly against NIE Legends. While it is never easy playing against a team like NIE Legends, the diminutive midfielder held his own in the centre of the park against the titans. Crisp-passing and eye-catching dribbles are hallmarks of Jianhao's game. Thrown in the cauldron of the famed NIE court almost immediately, the midfielder has put in stellar performances week in and week out.
Name: Yeow
Position: Central Midfielder
Squad No: 20
A fierce competitor on the court, Yeow has been the "heartbeat" of NIE Legends. Not one to rest on his laurels, this midfield dynamo gives his 110% in every game. Yeow's steely resolution and winning mentality has spurred his teammates on in numerous occasions. His tactical awareness plus his ability to rise to the occasion makes him an indispensable member of the team. On the court, Yeow has few peers in his league.
Name: Daryl
Position: Winger
Squad No: 23
Daryl's football ability has never been in doubt. His footballing skills allows him to march... and I mean MARCH into any first-team. Daryl has a fondness for searching lobangs... I'm sorry... holes in the opposing teams' defences, causing mayhem in the process. Unlike any other players around him, Daryl has many...I mean rarely has an OFF DAY in any game.
Name: Adrian
Position: Forward
Squad No: 9
Pace is this player's main asset. You never know what's going to happen each time Adrian gets the ball. Though not the biggest of players on the court, Adrian makes it up with his acute sense of positioning on the court. This has seen him score goals by the dozen on the court. An unselfish player by any standards, this goal-getter also likes to pull defenders towards him, creating more space for his teammates to score.
Name: Kenny
Position: Forward
Squad No: 10
Carrying the responsibility of getting the goals at the other end, Kenny is tasked with the simplest of roles. However, being a former rugby player, this explains why most of his shots on goal become conversions. While Kenny's main strength is his physical presence, he also possesses great ball-control. However, this goal-threat has a penchant for playing in defence towards the end of a game. Skeptics are unsure if this is a tactical move or there are other darker reasons behind this mystifying switch.
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